Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Wtf I hate male touch. My inner-lesbian side and girly side had a long hard debate about whether I hate male touch, which stretched over the period of several months and the lesbian emerged victorious. I hate male touch. It's such a big deal to me that it should be capitalised. Male Touch(wtf sounds like some movie title). My girly side says that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and I should just relax but my lesbiany side, being the more rational one, firmly states that this is a very serious matter and should be looked into.
The deciding event that made me reach my decision that I resent Male Touch was when BlahBlah hugged me during truth or dare. Really it'll be a super fun game if the dares didn't involve boys or men or even she-men. But anyway, my face totally changed when he touched me. It's really not that I have something against BlahBlah, it's just that I suddenly jerked awake. So this is how it will be like in a relationship? It's gross, really, Male Touch generally(90% +-) is gross to me. I know right it's so immature of me to think like this. Plus I'm from a co-ed school I should have no problems with guys. But really I don't know what's wrong. It just feels weird, bizzare and honestly, slight gross. Not gross like associated with dead bugs but gross like...I dunno how to say...when you shudder all over? No I don't know how to express it. I always can't express myself properly and end up being misunderstood so my point is that I really need to improve my English. But no digressing. Unless the Male is gay(as in really gay in terms of sexuality) I will feel uneased. I re-read everything above and realized that I sound really loser like some nun and have never interacted with the opposite gender before. Omg this is really hard to be put into words. It's just a personal opinion. I have also realized that I dislike(must try to stay away from "hate", it's too strong) guys calling me pretty because in my honest opinion(*sigh* again, I'm extremely opinionated today, it must be menopanse) I'M NOT!! Really it's incredulous man. Frizzy hair, small eyes, acne scarring, actual acne, oily skin, size-of-Mars pores, flabby legs and stomach, unsharp nose, upper lip jutting out. Wow! I am simply gorgeous. (Lol I know people don't normally look so closely so I highlighted all the flaws. Now you know.) You can call me smart humorous compassionate whatev just not pretty. Sigh I'm lost for words...I'm not saying people shouldn't say I'm pretty simply because I beg to differ. I'm saying it's really weird to be called pretty by other people. No idea why. This is just a personal opinion ok! Wtf I feel like millions of people are judging me through their computer screens right now when in reality um probably no one reads my thoughts here. I dunno why I feel like this and think so weirdly, influenced by my growing-up environment perhaps? If you(guys only) think I'm pretty (which you seriously shouldn't or you are definitely blind man), keep it to yourself please I don't want to hear your opinion I only want to hear mine.
So to counter my girly side, my inner-lesbian killed it. I know everything might sound very humorous but really THIS IS NOT A JOKE. I just tried to draw up an interesting post so that some people might actually persist to read to the end. I'm very like 'hua chi' and easily infatuated but I swear moooost of the time, as soon as I got the attention(of males, being the attention-seeking whore I am), I want to toss it away! So screwed up right what's happening??! If you want to know my truthful answer to your question is that I don't know.
I will now remain 100% indifferent to all hints of romance however trivial with guys until I graduate from JC. Is that lesbiany? Hmm no I don't think so because I don't like girls in the romantic sense either. Wtf I even have to argue with myself over something that should be clear-cut. My sexuality is screwed man. Amen.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011